I've got space and I've got time...

Months and years past of train ticket machines click-click-clashing my passage to and from a place that I knew was my home. I took a train again this morning in a sweater two sizes too large for me, and stared out a frostbitten window knowing that I don't know where that home is anymore.

And, far more significantly, knowing that it's alright to not know.

I expect that having figured everything out at the age of 23 would make for a horribly dull, albeit easier and more manageable existence. I could be wrong, of course, so if there's a 20-something (or 30, or 40, or ever 50-something for that matter) out there who believes that they've obtained such clarity, please send me an e-mail...I'd love to hear all about it.

So, for the time being, I'm unsure as to what direction this is all going in, and I mean that in the broadest sense possible. Past, present and future blogs, schools, careers, homes, shoes, cigarettes, planes, trains, automobiles, holidays - you name it, I've probably not quite figured it out. And the great clarity I've been seeking for a longer time than I would like to recollect kicks in when I remind myself that it's not something I even want. I'm in love with not knowing, and for right now that's good enough.

I saw the coupling of love and the modification of death; I saw the Aleph from every point and angle, and in the Aleph I saw the earth and in the earth the Aleph and in the Aleph the earth; I saw my own face and my own bowels; I saw your face; and I felt dizzy and wept, for my eyes had seen that secret and conjectured object whose name is common to all men but which no man has looked upon -- the unimaginable universe.

I felt infinite wonder, infinite pity.

(Excerpt from one of my favourite short stories which is concerned with close to the same topic, only far more elegantly...The Aleph by Jorge Luis Borges)

An explanation is in order I presume...

To all of the Modern-Guilt and Hell-is-Other-People readers out there.

My recent absence and, more noticeably, that of the aforementioned blogs has occurred for reasons which are far too messy, complicated and temporal to currently explain fully within one short blog post. To distill all of this change down to the most central of points...

Modern-Guilt.com is dead.

I will accept no condolences in regards to this, as I feel no regret or sadness where this fact is concerned. Facts are, after all, merely facts, and nothing to get oneself worked up over. All the same, I'm currently working very hard to get the back catalogues of both blogs up as quickly as possible, and at a brand-new [not yet ready to be disclosed] home for that matter!

So, for the time being [as per the very title and address of this temporal space of mine], check back here if you're at all interested in keeping up with the adventures and misadventures that the challenge of the next few weeks undoubtedly bring about for me.

I wish each and every one of you the happiest of holiday seasons, and look forward to making my way back into the blogosphere in the new year.

xoxo
S